Lost Boys
Why our Sons Turn Violent and How We Can Save Them by James Garbarino, Ph.D. — Book Review by Richard Niolon Ph.D. James Garbarino, Ph.D. is Co-Director of the Family Life Development Center, and a Professor of Human Development at Cornell University. He has authored or coauthored over 15 books on children, worked with children from Palestine and Kuwait regarding the impact of war on their lives, and practiced in Chicago for 10 years. He has worked extensively over the last two years with boys... more
Families and Substance Abuse
This was a presentation to social workers based upon requests to know more about substance abuse and dysfunctional families. So How Does Substance Abuse Cause Changes In the Family? Drugs and alcohol are substances that alter people by producing changes in: Aggression – Research shows that substance abuse is not a risk factor for many factors in and of it self; however, substance abuse can strength other risk factors. Where there is a risk for violence and child abuse, substance abuse can... more
Dysfunctional Families
What do we know about parents from maltreating families? They are often socially isolated, and have little emotional and financial support. Depression is a common factor in the neglect of children; Chaffin and colleagues found in a study of over 7,000 parents in five major cities that depressed parents are 3 times more likely to neglect their children. They sometimes were abused or neglected themselves as children. Jaffe says that 30% of abusive parents were themselves abused as children. Mothers... more
Telling Children About Divorce
Many parents feel that facing their children, telling them that the world as they know it is about to change, and explaining why this is so, is the most difficult aspect of the divorce. They may well be right. Many parents, due to their anxiety about this step, do a terrible job of telling the children. They don’t intend to do a terrible job, but their fears, concerns for the children’s ability to understand what is happening, and desire to “spare them the pain” as much... more
Step-Families: When Families Mend
Bray and Kelly report the findings of their extensive research in a new book, Step-Families: Love, Marriage, and Parenting in the First Decade. They explain that they found three main types of step-families. They discovered that step-families have their own Life Cycle, different from “traditional families,” and it takes several years for the family as a whole to solidify. The first two years are marked by intense conflict. The next two to three years are marked by relative peace. After... more
Why Do People Divorce?
Estimates from the US Census tell us that almost half of all marriages today end in divorce, and the average marriage lasts almost seven years. This averages to almost one million divorces per year for the last ten years. If you factor in the ending of gay and lesbian relationships (since such couples can’t be legally married, they can’t be legally divorced and thus don’t get counted in these statistics), as well as committed but unmarried heterosexual couples, the numbers grow... more
Divorced Mothers
Much has been written about divorced mothers and their relationships with their children. Mothers, according to many authors, receive primary parenting responsibilities and physical custody of the children far more often than fathers. As a result, much of the research has focused upon mothers and their parenting, adjustment, and lifestyle changes. Sometimes it is easy to see the problems divorced mothers experience as based solely on them, their coping, and their responses. Keep in mind when you... more
Divorced Fathers
Divorced fathers face a heavy maternal preference in the courts. This is based on the “tender years” presumption that younger children need to be in the care of their mothers, and that fathers were not able to provide the same level of care. Although this sexist legal precedent has been removed from the law books, it still dominates judges’ minds. Jeffrey Leving, in his book, Father’s Rights, indicates that 85% of cases today include the mother being awarded physical custody... more
When Divorce Is Inevitable
McKay and his colleagues wrote The Divorce Book: A Practical and Compassionate Guide. While a little dated, this is an excellent book discussing the steps of divorce, the dangers at each step for the adults involved, and ways to cope. Stages of Divorce Stage One – Separation Shock After partners separate and have time away from each other, they may feel numbed, panicked, or depressed, and may try to deny what has happened. However, research supports that by the time most people reach this... more
Children of Divorce and Adjustment
Effect on Children There’s a lot of research out these days on children of divorce after they grow up. However, if you review some of the key research published regarding adjustment of children during and soon after a divorce, you’ll find a lot of confusion. Some of it stems from the confusion that occurs between the child’s age at the divorce and the child’s age when problems develop. A child at age 12 who experienced his parents’ divorce at age six is different... more