Intro
Stages of Healthy Gay Relationships
Intro To Domestic ViolenceIntroduction to Gay Male Domestic Violence
Treatment Of Domestic Violence
Treatment Of Domestic Violence
DV Links
References
Intro To Domestic Violence
Cycle of ViolenceAssessing for Violence
Safety Plans
Causes of Domestic Violence
Violence between partners generally follows a cycle, and recognition of the couple's point in the cycle is important to assess risk for violence. The Cycle of Violence entails three stages.
- Stage 1 is
sometimes called "The Calm Before The Storm Stage" as it
begins with a calm period, but tension and stress slowly build. There
may be "minor" incidents, with pushing, threats, throwing
things... but no outbreak of severe violence. The victim is more
likely to try and delay movement to the next stage by trying to "stay
out of the way" of the abuser, please and placate them, and
avoid doing anything that might make them angry. This can go on for
extended periods, and can lead to considerable rationalization,
excuse-making, and denial of the problem. However, eventually, the
victim is likely to fee of sense of "when will it break?".
The victim may even act in ways in which she or he thinks is likely
to lead to the next stage, just to end the waiting period.
- Stage 2 is
the Violent Stage, and begins with some explosive outburst and
significant violence. Many people think of violent couples as living
constantly in this stage, and do not recognize the other two stages.
Police, family, friends, neighbors, etc... may intervene, and the
victim may receive services. However, just as likely is that the
incident goes undetected by outsiders; the victim may hide the
bruises, tell the neighbors the television was on loudly, call in
sick to work, etc.... Children are at significant risk at this stage
to be hurt, sometimes by accident during the parent's struggle,
sometimes after directly intervening to halt the abuse and protect
one parent, and sometimes by the abuser during different incidents.
The abuse of the child may be seen by the abuser as parenting or
discipline, but may also come after specific threats to the victim to
harm the child.
- Stage 3 is called "The Honeymoon Stage" as it is likely marked by closeness and affection from the abuser. The abuser is likely to be very sorry about the abuse, to promise to get help or never hit again, and show their regret with gifts, affection, attention, etc... the victim may feel very loved after this, may decide the violence was a one-time incident, and may decide to forgive the partner. It can be very hard for the victim to see the Cycle of Violence at this time, and confront the denial and leave the relationship.