Richard Niolon, Ph.D.
4/01

by Jerry Wyckoff, Ph.D. and Barbara C. Unell

This is a really good book that allows you to look up any parenting problem you are having (e.g., name calling, resisting bedtime, and refusing to eat) and review techniques for how to respond. They offer several points to consider in general though.

Parenthood Is Problematic
Parents have to recognize their children are developing people. Sometimes their anger is a reflection of unreasonable expectations of parents, frustrations and disappointments in their life, and the need to develop new coping strategies. Adults have to realize that they are also developing parents. They also have to deal with unreasonable expectations of their children, accept disappointments and sacrifices in life, and develop new skills.

they suggest you

	Pick a Specific Behavior Choose a specific behavior and situation of your child's to change or halt. They stress being clear about your expectations and communicating in a way your child can understand.
	Model What You Want Teach your children exactly what you want them to do. Show them how to ask questions, eat at the table, and brush their teeth the way you want them to. Copied from the web.
	Praise to Reinforce Praise helps your child know you approve of their behavior, and reminds them that they are doing it "the right way." Wyckoff and Unell remind parents that children need attention from their parents. Being there during their day allows you to spot problems behaviors when they are small. It is easier to teach them from a young age how to get along with others, make better decisions, and take care of themselves.
	Don't be a Historian Don't recount the child's failures. Remind them of their successes and of the benefits of succeeding.

Wyckoff and Unell suggest several general parenting techniques, as noted below. Copied from the web.

	Beat the Clock This basically means having the child race the clock, and often helps avoid power struggles between parents and children
	Neutral Time This is the time after a conflict, when everyone has had a chance to calm down. This can be a good time to explain, teach, and learn
	Praise and Reprimand These should be focused on the behavior, not the child. They offer saying "Good eating," not "Good boy for eating." For reprimand, "Stop hitting. Hitting hurts. Ask nicely for the toy."
	Rules Rules are clear expectations for what must be done, how things work, and when they happen. Rules should be consistent and well explained. This doesn't mean providing more exceptions and conditions, but stating rules in simple and clear ways.
	Grandma's Rule This translates to setting the limit, "When you do X, then you can do Y." they offer this motivates a child to go beyond the immediate misbehavior to focus on another, desired behavior. Copied from the web.
	Time Out Time out removes a child from a situation and the triggers for bad behavior, chances for attention and reinforcement, and negative behavioral patterns with you.

As noted, the book has 30 problems parents normally experience. Each includes examples for how to prevent problems, what to do to handle it, what not to do, and even little stories of other parents who have faced the same problems.